My Story is Not Done

Ever the inconsistent blogger, I have reemerged from the shadows to quasi-publicly ruminate on the state of my life at present.

I have been challenging myself a lot lately: professionally, personally, and soon, academically. Being so far out of my depths in so many areas of my life has left me absolutely drowning in the feelings of discomfort and self-doubt which accompany being a neophyte. Granted, I recognize that these feelings are a good thing; they mean that I’m outside my comfort zone and consequently growing. However, knowing that I’m acting in my long-term best interest is not a salve strong enough to ameliorate the burn of an almost-overwhelming frustration with myself for not having developed flawlessly and immediately. I have been attempting to partially counter these growing pains by spending my super-limited free time indulging in things like playing video games and reading fluffy literature: activities which replenish me rather than drain me. If the majority of my day-to-day life is going to be spent dragging myself kicking and screaming toward becoming a bit more like the version of myself that lives in my head, then I have sure as fuck earned the right to spend my leisure time as unproductively as I so choose. To that end, I am not beating myself up for not living up to other people’s wishes as to how I should be spending my leisure time. Selfishness is a virtue which I’ll simply have to embrace (at least in the short term) if I want to cling to the few shreds of sanity I have left.

So, yeah. I am definitely 100% in the midst of making progress in life right now. Consequently, everything feels so foreign and awkward and uncomfortable right now because it IS all of those things…and that’s okay! I think a large part of my growth as a human being will be learning how to deal with those feelings without being plagued with self-doubt and turning to self-deprecating humor. If anything, I should be proud of myself for doing what so many people don’t and actually taking action to rectify the areas of my life which need improvement rather than simply shrugging my shoulders and stating “it is what it is.” Life is hard right now, but that’s a good thing.  Here’s to the struggle of the present and the pay off of the future!

And to those who would choose the safety of inaction over the danger of taking a stand, I have this to say: You bloody cowards. May you have the world that you deserve.” ? Mira Grant, Deadline

Are you standing still or will you step into the great unknown?

I received and accepted an offer for a job located in Central Maryland last week.

Accordingly, I resigned from the Pittsburgh-based position which I’ve held for the past 3.5 years and will work my last day on May 15th.  My old job is the last concrete thing tying me to the Pittsburgh region so it feels very odd to know that in a few short days, 100% of my life will be situated in one place. After spending six years straddling state lines, suddenly living, working, and playing in the same area code somehow heightens the feeling of a new beginning which comes with starting a new job.

Geographic ruminations aside, I am very excited about this new position. Admittedly, I am slightly nervous about the learning curve since I am moving from an industry which I  have a very intimate knowledge of  through experiences both personal and professional (higher education) to one which I know nary a thing about (ad tech), but I think as long as I put my nose to the grindstone and take advantage of all the resources and opportunities which are available to me, I’ll be fine. The Company (which is how I’ll refer to my new employer from here forward – no name dropping from me!) is in the midst of a really exciting period of growth which is a stark contrast to the environment I’m coming from. (Ironically, the day I resigned from my old company, their stock slid 28% in a single day- the most in nearly five years – upon announcing a  loss of $467 million during the last quarter.)

Despite the familiar fondness which I posses for my former employer and all of the wonderful people I worked with during my time there, I am very excited to be moving on to big and better things. I have grown and changed a lot as a person over the past several years and as a result of said growth, my desire to seek out new challenges and gain control over the direction of my career became too loud to ignore, thus my need to move forward. While I am certainly a bit sad to be closing the book on a chapter of my life during which I made many memories and achieved many goals, I am beyond thrilled to be joining The Company.  After spending so many years in corporate America, I am absolutely head-over-heels with the stereotypical start-up “work hard, play hard” ethos and ambition that so pervade every interaction I’ve had with The Company thus far;  I am definitely not in Kansas any more, that’s for sure.

But you know what? That’s okay! I am keen for a challenge, I am keen to raise the bar I’ve set for myself, and I am keen see to what comes next. Here’s to new beginnings!