Uninspired Musings
29Feb/12

I wanted to give you everything, but I still stand in awe of superficial things.

This is not much of an entry, but today was as close to a perfect day as I've had in a long, long time. The soundtrack to my day was Civilian by Wye Oak and fit beyond perfectly; thanks to an amazing scene from The Walking Dead for acquainting me with it. A lot of things in my life feel like they're coming together after what seems like an eternity of waiting and it's an amazing feeling; tears of happiness were moments away from brimming over my eyelids all day.

I have nothing of consequence to say,  I just wanted to get in my monthly update and make a record of this day.

 

Filed under: Daily Life No Comments
28Jan/12

January 2012 Wrap-Up

I am forever playing catchup in regard to posting here, it seems. One of my goals for the Day Zero Project is to update here every month during 2012, so I had to squeeze in a much overdue update before this month ended. Since I'm a little rusty in the blogging department, I'll update in the lazy person's copout: list format!

1.) I'm growing my hair out, sort of. I haven't straightened it since February of 2011 and now I have a ridiculous mop of curls that I don't really know what to do with. I really need a haircut because my ends have seen much better days. Hopefully in two years or so I'll have something like this going on unless I get bored and straighten it or cut it drastically again.

2.) Even though I generally have no affinity towards rap/hip hop music, I've been casually listening to Kelle Maize lately and I've enjoyed her music since: A.) She's a Pittsburgher, B.) She's no aimlessly vulgar, C.) Her music actually seems to reflect an intelligence that generally doesn't exist in "urban music."

3.) I am officially registered to take the GRE on Tuesday, March 27, 2012 at 12:35pm. The specific grad program that I'm looking at doesn't require it, but I wanted to leave my options open to apply elsewhere and to apply for funding. I'm finishing undergrad this year (after belaboring it forever for reasons both voluntary and not) and planning on starting a graduate program in either Spring or Fall 2013. Things are still really up in the air since I want to build a decent nest egg before the whole dramatic drop in income that'll surely come along with being a full-time student again.

4.) I have been horrible about working out this month and I can feel it. I need to get my shit together in a major way! Whenever I go without working out for a while, I feel really gross and unattractive, sooo...I forsee myself getting a few runs in next week to abate this ickiness.

5.) Glitch has been consuming an embarassing amount of my free time lately, but it's so fun that I refuse to feel badly about that.

4Dec/11

Day Zero: 50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind, Part 1

I have committed myself to doing the Day Zero Project, and while I haven't officially started, I have decided that tonight is just as good as any to kick off one of my goals and start answering the 50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind.

1.) How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
That is a really, really hard question for me to answer. I have found myself increasingly preoccupied with my age as I've gotten older. I think this primarily has to do with the fact that I haven't quite reached the level of personal, financial, academic, and professional success that my younger self imagined would come along with being 23-years-old. That said, I'm not really doing badly, if I want to be honest with myself. I may not have a lot of close friends, but the ones I do have are pretty awesome; I might not have the most prestigious job ever, but I've escaped retail hell, I make a decent amount of money, and I don't dread going to work in the morning; I have my own apartment in a city I love, and most of the time my life is generally not too shabby. On the other side of things, I'm still pretty immature when I want to be (and sometimes when I don't), I'm not always as sure of myself as I think someone my age "should" be, and my romantic life is currently stuck in a whole "I don't feel worthy of going after the people I like thanks to one long, drawn out, quasi-rejection" sort of state that needs to be broken. Reflecting upon all that, I would say that I'm probably somewhere between 22 and 25 years of age...so, not too far off the mark, actually.

2.) Which is worse, failing or never trying?
I struggle with this one on a daily basis, but I'd honestly have to say that never trying is way worse than failing. If you never try to attain something which you want, you'll just belabor the process of moving past it and you'll also short-change yourself out of the opportunity to experience failure and let it strengthen you as a person.

3.) If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
For me, this absolutely boils down to mindlessly performing tasks which I think I'm supposed to do in order to be a "happy, well-adjusted adult." Often, I think it's pretty common just to do things because they're culturally expected of us or because we're too mentally lazy to analyze ourselves and figure out what we really, really want and trace out a path to reaching a place where the actions we perform aren't knee-jerk reactions, but rather mindful steps toward making ourselves happy. This question actually fits perfectly into my current goal of completely my Day Zero Project. For me, I think the thing that truly held me back from doing the things I want to do before was the fact that I continually made excuses and never really felt like I was living my "real life" at the moment, so to speak. There was always the whole "Oh, I'll wait for X, Y, and Z before I do A, B, and C" line of thinking that I allowed to stand in my way, and quite frankly, that is complete and utter bullshit. As I've spent the last 23 years learning over and over, every day you spend procrastinating about making yourself happy, is another day that you spend proactively making yourself miserable.

4.) When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
Given that I'm naturally a very loquacious person (online and in writing, anyway!), I almost certainly will have said more than I have done...unless I take some action to change to that. Though, I'm not really sure have said more than I've done is entirely a horrible thing, to be honest. Words are an extremely valuable and under-appreciated currency in my opinion. Given that, I really do need to work much harder at moving beyond the conceptual world of words and actually acting upon my meticulous plans in a timely fashion.

5.) What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
Damn. This seriously a hard one. I realize it's incredibly cliche, but I would honestly be grateful to see a world in which the great monsters of ego and entitlement were slain. I think those two things contribute so overwhelmingly to global ills that eliminating them would doubtlessly be the start of something good.

I can honestly say that each one of these questions could have easily been fleshed out into their own post, but I think just answering them at all and getting myself thinking about what they entail is as good a start as any, to be honest. So...look forward to the next nine installments?

28Oct/11

I woke up stronger than ever.

Well, shit.

I never really update anymore, do I? Oh well, I'm not known for my ability at following through with things, that's for sure. I'm currently sitting at Pittsburgh International Airport waiting for a flight to Baltimore for the m83 concert in DC tonight. I'm actually listening to Active Child, the band that's opening for them, at the moment; they're somewhat similar to m83 and I like what I've heard so far. But, this post isn't really about music.

While I was stuffing Quiznos down my throat, I started reading Player One by Douglas Coupland and, as all Douglas Coupland novels seem to do, it made me do something thinking. As a result of that thought process, I've come to the conclusion that I feel the most "in my element" when I'm a state of flux, moving between two places and more or less feeling unfettered to who and what I am. I guess I'm happiest when I'm surrounded by people, yet completely alone at the same time.

I'm of course reminded of a quotation from Waking Life and thus feel compelled to throw it in here: "The idea is to remain in a state of constant departure while always arriving. It saves on introductions and goodbyes." I mean, how could someone not want to exist in such a beautiful state of impermanence? These are the things I think about when I'm removed from the familiar patterns of my every day, 9-to-5 life and allowed to exist on my terms, even if only for a five-day-weekend.

Maybe I'll update again in two more months. =P

Filed under: Daily Life No Comments
21Aug/11

I already want a TARDIS.

Update time!

Nerdiness + Tastiness = BLISS.

Nothing of any major consequence has really happened since I last wrote, but I still feel the need to do a brain dump regardless.

I think I am going to start watching Doctor Who, finally. I've been meaning to for seemingly forever, but I tend to be really, really slow at getting around to exploring shows that I'm interested in because I spend so much of my time reading and aimlessly wandering around the internet. Doctor Who is available on Netflix meaning I can watch it on my phone wherever I am, so I guess we' see how long it takes me to make my way through the old episodes. (ETA: I watched the first two episodes last night and I really, really enjoyed them.) Breaking Bad has also recently popped up on my radar as a show to check out, too. It's not on Netflix though, so boo. On a final TV-related note, I am fucking dying over here waiting for season two of The Walking Dead. Why? Just check out the awesome trailer on YouTube. Wow, a whole paragraph on television! Who am I becoming!?

Tell-lie-vision aside, my life has been fairly static this past week. It's finally getting dark earlier and the nights and mornings have a very unmistakably-autumnal chill to them. Being the Ice Queen that I am, this makes me stupidly happy. This summer really wasn't awful, but I'm ready for cooler weather and the relaxed mindset it brings. Actually I need to ditch relaxation and get moving with productivity, heh. I've been really lazy and unmotivated for the past few days so I need to get it together and put my game face back on if I want to plow through all  the shit I have to do.

But for now? Laundry, more Doctor Who, and waiting for my food from Rialto Pizza to arrive, huzzah!

Tagged as: 3 Comments